Aye-yup, bleh to it all. I made a rather vain attempt to do some guerrilla camping at a west end park on the Ottawa river today. This trip has been a few weeks in planning. Waiting for the river to get lower, what to bring along, safety shit, weather, blahblahblah. I even bought a new bike to ease the pedaling long distance and to allow better attachment of my cart. Well, the best laid plans of mice and men…

The river was nice and low, meaning my planned campsite was readily accessible and it would have been easy to waterwalk out to the weed beds. I had bought a nice CHEAP one person tent. The weather was to be hot today & tomorrow (27degC, with a low of 15). All my gear was set, including camp stuff, food, fishing, even ready for a swim. I took my bike downstairs first, then came back to lug all the rest down. Sun was shining and it was HOT! So far, so good…

Ah, but then the shit hits the fan. First off, some dipshit ignoramus tried to rip my cart apart and wrecked a clamp for one of the side supports. OK, a bit of fiddling and diddling and I got the damned thing together solid. Then, I needed to pump up the tires. That was expected, as I hadn’t used the thing since I don’t know when. Done. I got down on my knees to attach the cart to the bike. My right knee doth protest loudly at that indignity. Clamp, cinch, and tighten. Done.

I loaded the cart with all my grabage. Up with the kick stand and…… Ping! the fucking cart slips off the bar. Well, now shit! A bunch of time spent trying this that and the other thing to get the frakker to stay. No go. I ended up locking both bike and cart up and, hoping that none of my gear gets jacked, go up to my apartment to grab a coupla tools and a coupla screw pipe clamps. Back down and put a small pipe clamp on the bar to keep the cart clamp from sliding back and off. Test. OK, Done.

All told, from start of getting things together in the apartment to now, it’s been about 3.5 hours. I start pushing my bike and load to get it on the roadway. Fuck, but it’s a heavy load! I’d been practicing my biking since the purchase of my cycle every second day or so. I figured I’d be ready for a bike trip of 6+ klicks, one way. Climb on, and away I go!

Before I even left the parking lot, I noticed a clickety-click at the rear wheel. Since I had to adjust the kick stand to keep it from being forced into the spokes of the tire by the cart clamp, I thought maybe the stand had moved. Off the bike, quick check, nope, all OK. Back on the bike, and away I go! again…

Clickety-clickety-clack-clunk. WTF??!! I was maybe three blocks from my home when Ka-Ping!!! two spokes were broken. Seems the cart clamp would swing back and forth and knock against the spokes of my rear wheel. I did a bit of a sharp turn and that swung the clamp deep into the spokes. Two broken spokes and I wasn’t 5 minutes into my trek. Well, fuck it. Ain’t worth the effort no more.

I pushed my bike (and pulled that gear on the cart) back home. All the while trying desperately to NOT break any more spokes or get the the whole frakking thing jammed up. Now, the sun and heat is no longer a nice thing. I got the shebang back to my place, unloaded the cart, locked it and the bike up, and lugged all my crap back to the apartment.

Went off to a local bike shop and got 2 new spokes for the wheel and got them on. Keep in mind, this was a back wheel with all the attendant gears and chains and whatnot to deal with. Got it all back together and gave the bike a test run to ensure I got it right. But, damn!! I did!!! Good. Locked the whole fucking thing back up and went upstairs. I didn’t give sweet sassafras if that same dipshit ignoramus who tried to mangle the cart tried to nick my bike. Fuck it.

So. Here I be. Frustrated, hot, sweaty, and filthy. This is one of those rare moments where a nice “cold” one looks damned entertaining. Knowing full well that if one is kinda cool, what about two? etc etc etc…..

So. Here I be, on the computer, typing my blahs to y’all. My knee aches. I now officially resign from fishing, and biking, and camping, and anything closely related to those things. If’n y’all want to buy my gear (fish, camp, bike, etc), just email me. We’ll talk…

Keep The Faith*