Gratitude

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Apr 252012

Two in one day? hmmmmmm……

Gratitude is something that is needed in my life today. It is forgotten far too much. I got a heapin’ handful of Gratitude after my previous entry from a li’l while back. I had a sponsee come by to do some Step work (Step One!!) and the theme that arose from our meeting was, without a doubt, Gratitude. I kept bringing up examples of Gratitude in my life, and more importantly, how much I had received today.

After my last entry, I checked my emails. I got a “letter” from my daughter. It was filled with the Gratitude that she had for being my daughter, for me being her dad, and how we grown from that relationship. This letter showed me that I still am on the right path in my recovery and that even if I fail to see it, I have done some good. Gratitude.

Another email came from a friend in recovery who was responding to an amends or “mea culpa” email I had sent out regarding a service commitment from a few days ago. She reminded me that I did things right, that I need not dump on myself for self-perceived mistakes. Gratitude.

A third email came from a long ago friend. She was responding to a short “thinking of you” note I sent off after hearing an old song from the Rolling Stones that reminded me of her. Her response was very short, but oh-so sweet!  “You always was the best kisser I ever kissed!!”  At first I wasn’t sure where that came from, until I remembered the lyrics of the song. Well… Gratitude.

Those three examples of the Gratitude I received today alone, I shared with the fellow who came by tonight. And many many other examples I shared from my past, near and far. I pointed out that even when I might be down in the dumps or wrapped up in a blue funk, I can search for and discover much to be grateful for, again from the past or from Just For Today. I gave him an exercise to do. Each day for the next seven days, write ten things he is grateful for, without repeating any. After telling him that, I realized that this exercise would probably do ME a whole whack of good, too! So, I said that I will follow my own advice and make my own lists. Gratitude.

Gratitude, t’is a wonderful thing!!

Keep The Faith*

Posted by robbz at 21:50 Tagged with: ,

Celebrate (again...)

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Apr 252012

Time, life, and service recovery has pulled me away from working that Step One. I still read it out of IW:H&W, but the writing is WAY behind. Am I making an excuse? Probably, who cares?

I passed my 20th anniversary of my clean date on the 14th. Tomorrow, I celebrate at S&H. I’ve been scrambling with short notice commitments in PR. Went fishing once and actually had a good time (and got myself four cats!!). Meetings, family, sponsorship… blahblahblah…….

I am still here. I am still clean (thank god!!). I know it all means something and most times it is good. I just tend to forget what I have and where I am today.
Gratitude, the Key to Recovery!

Keep The Faith*

Posted by robbz at 18:48 Tagged with: , ,

Caring, Sharing...

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Dec 172011

I got a phone call a while back. A friend called to see how I was doing. Quite an amazing thing for this ol’ boy to get… seeing as how I tend to keep myself aloof and separate from those who are important to me.

This person — this woman — was at a Service meeting with me a couple of days ago. She saw me afterwards, standing apart in my mindless fugue, trying to re-capture the memory of the togetherness I felt during that meeting. I remember that moment in time as I was recalling past (far past!) events that helped to guide me to the place I am today.

I was thinking about how I felt at that meeting. The people who were there. The addicts who wanted to be a part of the Service that I hold oh-so dear. I was trying to bring back that Gratitude that I felt during that meeting, but with all that I have been going thru the past couple of months, my mind was dragging me backwards into that morass of “what if…” and “if only…”.

This person saw my turmoil and asked me that night, “What’s up, Robb? You seem to be in la-la land.” And me, in my innate need to deflect questioning of a personal nature, said that, yeah, I was trying to remember a tune… la-la-la…. and hoping that it wasn’t a song that will last forever in my head.

Well, she told me this morning that she herself had been facing certain things in her life that had kept her from pursuing the concern that she had for me on that warm December evening. So, she called me today. And we talked. Our convo bounced back and forth from recovery, to service, to day to day life, and back again to recovery.

I was taken deeply by such a simple act of caring and sharing. It really is the heart and soul of the program of recovery that I try to follow, but it so very rarely follows me outside of meetings. My own fault, indeed, as I do not integrate myself into the lives of anyone in my Fellowship outside of a meeting, be it a a Recovery one or Service. So, to get a phone call on a bright, sunny (but chilly) Saturday morning from someone who actually cared about how I was doing…… well, gee….

Throughout all the confusion and depression and complete madness that I have been putting myself thru the past while, it was so very very VERY gratifying to know that I really am not alone in all this. I am grateful that this woman gave me enough thought and caring to call to see how I be. I am grateful that she called and shared how she was, how she was doing, what she was doing for herself today. I am grateful that she offered me some hope and appreciation for what I have today. I am truly grateful that she was, and is, here in recovery, in service, in my life.


Thank You, Jackie

Keep The Faith*

Posted by robbz at 13:01 Tagged with: , , , ,

Always Remember. Never Forget.

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Nov 142011

That is a phrase I have used often to remember the family Cottage. A place of comfort and refuge for myself in times of uncertainty or confusion. I need to remember the Cottage for what it gave me and still does in my memories.

With this 20th anniversary of Bernie’s death almost done, I need to Always Remember and Never Forget her. Always remember what she gave me… three wonderful and amazing children, love and support, Recovery, even!! Never Forget all that she gave up… her own Recovery and the people who made it (make it!!) so great, those three beautiful kids and myself, and, yes, that very same love and support of all who knew her.

I went to a meeting tonight. It must be more than 15 years since I’ve gone to this particular meeting. I went there solely to see one person. Someone who knew me so very long ago, someone who also knew Bernie. I went there to make sure that I was in the right place, to make sure that I was doing the right thing in my recovery today, to find hope!

I found that person. I talked to her and shared about why I was there on this rainy Monday. She had something going on in her life that my words touched and she cried a bit. I felt some fear, like, “OMG!! What have I done??!!” But, it wasn’t me. It was just life. I did what I needed to do. The consequence of my action was an opening of mind and spirit, for me and for her. I found my Hope.

This tremendous woman gave me hope and courage that I am truly doing all that is right for me today, just by her being there tonight. As well, by giving of herself to my dilemma and helping me to Remember why I am here. I am forever grateful for that. I picked up a white keytag tonight in honor of Bernie’s memory and help me to Never Forget.

I also talked to my son on the phone just before I went off to that meeting. We talked about life in general, about suicide, about why we are still here today. We remembered together what it is to be alive, and to Never Forget those who helped us to be who we are. My daughter posted a simple message of  “I love you! :) ” on my FB wall, which in those three words offered me even greater hope for my Recovery than all that I was given at the meeting tonight.

Aye, this too shall pass. In its own time, in its own way. Recovery has proven itself to me once more. Do what needs doing ad let the rest be. My Gratitude List has expanded from that single item of “I am CLEAN!!” (not sober… hehe), to add on Hope, Courage, and Faith. oh yeah, and Gratitude, too…

The Serenity Prayer

Keep The Faith*

Posted by robbz at 22:57 Tagged with: , , , ,

Wow, 17 Years!

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Apr 142009

April 14. Amazing, to say the least. And I am still alive to enjoy it all. Life, being clean, my clean date, I’ve been given a gift that surpasses any other that I have received in my lifetime. And I really do think that gift is simply my life.

Because my life is all-encompassing, it can take into account recovery (thank God!), family (new and old!), fishing (catfishing is coming soon!), etc etc etc, and just plain old being alive! I really think that spring has a bit to do with the good-vibes I’m feeling. Snow is almost completely gone and the temps are staying in the plus range continuously now (yeah, yeah, don’t count your chickens etc!). Life is good.

I’ve discovered in the past little while that it is mostly my awareness of what is around me and the gratitude that I have of it all, including the mish-mash of being outa work and on the dole. I can stay positive to varying degrees as long as I maintain an over-all “Attitude of Gratitude” and be alert to any downslide in my mental health. It really is that easy. Well, plus my regular meeting attendance, living the Steps, my sponsor (hmm, speaking of which…), God, and just plain recovery. All of that can keep me out of the Blue Funks and help me to be happy (or happier, aye?)

I went to a noon meeting today to pick up a black keytag on my clean date. {{still gotta get over the resentment of “black”, which ain’t a color}} I got to see a friend from long ago make it back into the rooms, still alive. I also heard some wonderful things shared by my fellow addicts. I’m gonna pop a couple of them here, before their inclusion into my Deep Thoughts web page. Be happy, folks. I am!!!

“People will give you the best or the worst of your life. It’s up to you.” (Terry)

“Stay in the positive. Instead of calling in sick, call in well!” (Jace)

Keep The Faith*

ooo, as a little side note, my clock at the top of this page says 6209 Days, 14 Hrs, 47 Mins, xx Secs. seems so l-o-n-g looking at it that way!!

~~~ 12 March 2011 – There is no clock anymore. This entry was made on another version of the Robb Blogg and the clock never made or was forgotten in the transition. Hey, and in a li’l over a month’s time I’ll have reached 19 years!! ~~~

Posted by robbz at 12:50 Tagged with: ,
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