.. I don’t mind the repetition in the least. No siree. I NEED to have people like me, those who are struggling, those who are finding that “new way to live”, those who are asking the same questions and feeling the same things that I am. . ., to tell me what’s working (or not) for them today.
.. All of them are my teachers. They give me the hope and the knowledge to get thru anything that I may be facing today. Anything. It doesn’t matter that I am coming up on 13 years of cleantime and life can still try to drag me down. It does matter that the addict I’m listening to has 7 days of cleantime and is doing better than 8 days ago because he is clean today. TODAY!
.. Today. This is what matters. Today, I am clean. Today, I did not use. Today, I went to a meeting. Today, I learned (again) that I am not alone. Today. This is what matters. Today, I have a Higher Power that I choose to call God. Today, I have 3 kids who love me with all their hearts. Today, I can love ME, with all my warts and foibles and fuck-ups, my (God love ‘em) character defects and shortcomings. Today. This is what matters. Today, I have NA. Today, I have a roof over my head and food in the fridge. Today, I am free from the desire to use.

.. Today is wonderful. Even if I am out of work, or getting older, or my health isn’t the best that I want it to be. Today I have GRATITUDE!

.. Think about this. I share my gratitude at my home group tonite because I wanted to let everyone there know that I’m a sick puppy (today), but because all those people were there to listen to me, I have faith that I can get better. I went out for fellowship afterwards and people said “Thank You” to me, ME!, for what I shared. And all I had wanted to do was to give back to them a little bit of what they had given to me. And those addicts (I love them all for what they are trying to do in recovery) turn around and just heap all that gratitude and love back to me.
.. ME! This sick lad whose obsessed about all the things that don’t really matter in greater scheme of life. Why ME??!!
.. Why? Because I am worth, worthy of, it all. Conceit? No. Belief in who I am, in what I do. That’s why.

.. I am 47 years old. I took the bus home tonite with a young addict, a woman who has the most adorable little baby in tow, who is young enough to be my daughter. So? Age aside, we talked about our respective recoveries and how we live thru life’s stumbling blocks. We recognized our similarities and our differences. We talked of parenthood. Shared about the the love, the joy, the pain, that a child gives. (oh, and I am SO glad that I do NOT have babies or toddlers or adolescents in my house today! Just one teenager who’ll be twenty this year left at home! >>sigh… I’m getting old!<< ;-p ).
.. This is the beauty of recovery. Age, gender.. it doesn’t matter. Together we share a common bond. A desire to become different people, better people than what we were while using drugs. A desire to find a new way to live.

.. Ahh, but I wish I could just hold onto this feeling of gratitude for just a bit longer than I’m currently able to. Even so, I can always go to a meeting tomorrow, or the day after, or the day after that, to remember why I am here. And to be Grateful once more. And to always remember to…

Keep The Faith*