Recovery & Phở

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Dec 232011

What a combination! A recovery meeting and a bowl of Vietnamese soup afterwards. Well, kinda. I didn’t have phở because even the small bowl is pretty darned big and just a touch too expensive for my pocketbook, altho’ only about $6.50. I had a pair of spicy beef rolls with a peanut sauce at $4.50. There now, so much for the culinary descriptions. Let’s get to the first part, eh?

I went to my home group tonight. I’m still the set-up guy for the month… coffee, seating, literature, etc. As always, there were other members there to help in all aspects. It was another well attended meeting, with at least 4 newcomers.

The topic was Tradition 12, but as our group goes, that did not come into anyone’s sharing. I tried to fit it into mine, but it only worked with the “We” aspect of the 12th Tradition. I talked about my revelation, that epiphany — spiritual awakening, if you will — that I got from the meeting on Monday (and wrote about, too!).

Listening to some of the others share their recovery, I realized that maybe I really should be getting this old soul out to the local fellowship a bit more than what I have over my years in this biz. It was amazing that, even tho’ I’d heard it hundreds of times before, people shared about being able to contact other addicts at pretty well any time when they need help or just to say hello. I got this thought that maybe, just maybe, this might could be a thing for me to have & do.

It will take some doing to break that isolationist lifestyle I’ve nurtured for more decades than I care to think of, but I do know that it can be done. I mean, there are enough folks around me who have done it. Why not me? I sure as hell don’t need to become a social butterfly or try and throw myself into, what? relationships?? willy-nilly. Take it easy, chum. I do have the rest of my life to try this thing on for size!

Right, yeah, and I got some good recovery and a lot of laughs afterwards with about 12 or 13 members from my group at the local phở café. Great food, great convo, lots of hot sauce and sweat, and even a ride home afterwards. You really can’t get better than that!!! Well, it could be summer… then it woulda been near on perfect…

Hey, and I got the following version of the Serenity Prayer from  someone who shared it tonight. I got a kick out of it, and figured I should share it with you…

God, grant me the
Serenity to accept the person I cannot change,
Courage to change the one I can, and
Wisdom to know that it’s me.
(from Sharon, w/ thanks!)

Keep The Faith*

Posted by robbz at 00:28 Tagged with: ,

Caring, Sharing...

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Dec 172011

I got a phone call a while back. A friend called to see how I was doing. Quite an amazing thing for this ol’ boy to get… seeing as how I tend to keep myself aloof and separate from those who are important to me.

This person — this woman — was at a Service meeting with me a couple of days ago. She saw me afterwards, standing apart in my mindless fugue, trying to re-capture the memory of the togetherness I felt during that meeting. I remember that moment in time as I was recalling past (far past!) events that helped to guide me to the place I am today.

I was thinking about how I felt at that meeting. The people who were there. The addicts who wanted to be a part of the Service that I hold oh-so dear. I was trying to bring back that Gratitude that I felt during that meeting, but with all that I have been going thru the past couple of months, my mind was dragging me backwards into that morass of “what if…” and “if only…”.

This person saw my turmoil and asked me that night, “What’s up, Robb? You seem to be in la-la land.” And me, in my innate need to deflect questioning of a personal nature, said that, yeah, I was trying to remember a tune… la-la-la…. and hoping that it wasn’t a song that will last forever in my head.

Well, she told me this morning that she herself had been facing certain things in her life that had kept her from pursuing the concern that she had for me on that warm December evening. So, she called me today. And we talked. Our convo bounced back and forth from recovery, to service, to day to day life, and back again to recovery.

I was taken deeply by such a simple act of caring and sharing. It really is the heart and soul of the program of recovery that I try to follow, but it so very rarely follows me outside of meetings. My own fault, indeed, as I do not integrate myself into the lives of anyone in my Fellowship outside of a meeting, be it a a Recovery one or Service. So, to get a phone call on a bright, sunny (but chilly) Saturday morning from someone who actually cared about how I was doing…… well, gee….

Throughout all the confusion and depression and complete madness that I have been putting myself thru the past while, it was so very very VERY gratifying to know that I really am not alone in all this. I am grateful that this woman gave me enough thought and caring to call to see how I be. I am grateful that she called and shared how she was, how she was doing, what she was doing for herself today. I am grateful that she offered me some hope and appreciation for what I have today. I am truly grateful that she was, and is, here in recovery, in service, in my life.


Thank You, Jackie

Keep The Faith*

Posted by robbz at 13:01 Tagged with: , , , ,

A Meeting Helps

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Mar 292010

It certainly does. It is Holy Week at the church where my home group meets. It’s the only time in the year that we are closed. For the past five or six years now, I’ve shown up to post a notice on the door and stick around for those addicts who may not have heard about the closure (and those who forgot!).

There was a “record” fifteen addicts who appeared whilst I waited. Last year had the most with twelve. I wonder what next year will bring? Anyway, “lucky” thirteen stayed with me and said we could go for coffee. She said that she forgot about the closure, but needed a meeting tonite. After an hour in the chilly wind, so did I. Not to mention getting into a nice warm car was a treat!

We went to a local coffee house near my place. Sat and chatted about recovery and service and the importance of sharing our story with others. Afterward, she drove me home. When we got there, she said that it was good we talked because she really did need a meeting this night. I reminded her that it only takes two addicts sitting down together, talking about recovery, to make a meeting.

And I thanked her for giving me a meeting, because I was in dire need of one. I say that because I think that I monopolized most of the talk time in that coffee shop. It certainly did help to take the chill out of my bones and settle the small feeling of angst I was having. I don’t know why it bothers me to have so many “members” of my group show up and say, “Oh yeah, I forgot that it was closed. And you saying that you’d be standing out here to remind us”. I also worry about the newcomer (and there was a couple of them tonite) who might show up & leave thinking that maybe NA ain’t the thing for them.

I cannot be or hold myself responsible for them and the world, too. I have to take care of my recovery, be there when I can, and leave the rest in my god’s power. So, my meeting tonite was perfectly timed and infinitely worth it. I did my service twice over. I stood watch over my meeting place & directed addicts to one of the other two meetings going on elsewhere in the city. And I got a meeting in myself!

A meeting helps. Tonite proved that, and it was as good as being at my home group because my meeting had two members of that group in attendance. I love how recovery works in my life! It works, as long as I work it!!

Keep The Faith*

Posted by robbz at 19:41 Tagged with: ,

Not For Them. For Me

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Feb 152009

It’s a thing that I keep forgetting. I am not a member of NA for anyone else. Only for me. I cannot change anyone else. Only me. I am not here for them. Only for me.

I decided to go to a meeting tonite. I had spent an hour or so reading thru an NA message board and got wonderfully inspired about my own personal recovery. So, I got to my local NA fellowship website, found a meeting (the only one on a Sunday nite), checked my bus times to and from, diddled and fiddled and almost missed my bus by procrastinating. I s’pose it was also because deep in the back of my mind my addiction was trying its darndest to avoid my leaving the apartment and actually going to a meeting.

I got out. I got my bus. I got to the meeting. Except, except… there was no meeting. The church was dark and empty. ???hunh??? !!!what!!! Whassup with that? Did the meeting close it’s doors? It had a good solid attendance. Did it shut down tonite only for some church function? St. Valentine’s Day yesterday, no not that, and hey, the church was empty. So, wtf? Rassafrassedafarkinfrak… on and on I went as I sat there whining…

Another addict came wandering up the parking lot. She was slightly (??) perturbed as moi over there being no meeting there tonite. So, we sat and talked for a little while about our respective recoveries, our views of the fellowship (mine being far more jaded than hers), and the weather, of course. We left to go catch a bus and continued our talk.

Thing is, even tho’ nothing on the website indicated the closure or moving of this meeting (mind you, the website still promo’ed a Sept ’08 event and our Xmas get-together), even tho’… I got my meeting in. All it took was myself and another addict to get together and talk a bit of recovery. Between the two of us, we carried the message.

All I gots to do now is work out my resentment over the meeting not being there. When I got home, I checked the local phone line and discovered that the meeting had moved to a different locale. When, I don’t know. And yeah, I guess I shoulda checked the phoneline also, outside of the online meeting list, the hardcopy meeting list I had, and the pdf meeting list I downloaded. Silly me…

Keep The Faith*

Posted by robbz at 20:06 Tagged with: , ,
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